The Cocoanuts
- nickel.wav -- Hammer: "Think of the opportunities here in Florida! Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket...Now I've got a nickel in my pocket." (45K)
- wales.wav -- Hammer: "Did anyone ever tell you you look like the Prince of Wales? I don't mean the present Prince of Wales; one of the old Wales. And when I say Wales, I mean whales. I know a whale when I see one. (67K)
- love.wav -- Hammer: "I love you...I love you anyhow." Mrs. Potter: "I don't think you'd love me if I were poor." Hammer: "I might, but I'd keep my mouth shut." (50K)
- moon.wav -- Hammer: "I'll meet you tonight under the moon. Oh, I can see you now, you and the moon...You wear a necktie so I'll know you." (51K)
- prince.wav -- Chico: "You remember me; Prince of Wales..." SFX: "Knock-knock-knock!" Penelope: "Who is it?" Hammer: "It's me, the King of England." Chico: "My father!" SFX: "Knock-knock-knock-ring-slam!" (59K)
- partner.wav -- Hammer: "Now listen to me...I'm not gonna have that redheaded fellow running around in the lobby. If you wanna keep him up in your room, you'll have to keep him in a trap." Chico: "You can't catch him." Hammer: "Who is he?" Chico: "Atsa my partner, but he no speak." Hammer: "Oh, that's your silent partner." (77K)
- money.wav -- Chico: "I no buya nothing." Hammer: "What?" Chico: "I no gotta no money." Hammer: "You gotta no money?" Chico: "I no gotta one cent." Hammer: "How you gonna pay for your room." Chico: "That'sa your lookout." Hammer: "Ohhh...You're just an idle roomer." (74K)
- mingle.wav -- Hammer: "When the crowd gathers 'round, I want you to mingle with 'em...Don't pick their pockets, just mingle with 'em, and..." Chico: "I'll find time for both." Hammer: "Well, maybe we can cut out the auction." (51K)
- lots.wav -- Hammer: "If we're successful in disposing of these lots, I'll give you a nice commission." Chico: "And..eh..How 'bouta some money?" Hammer: "Well, you can have your choice." (48K)
- pneumnia.wav -- Hammer: "How is it you never got double pneumonia?" Chico: "I go 'round by myself." (22K)
- talk.wav -- Hammer: "The next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you, will you?" (19K)
- duck.wav -- Hammer: "Now here is a little peninsula, and...eh...here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland." Chico: "Why a Duck?" Hammer: "I'm alright. How are you?" (50K)
- boom.wav -- Hammer: "Now is the time to buy while the new boom is on. Remember that old saying: 'A new boom sweeps clean.' And don't forget the guarantee...My personal guarantee: If these lots don't double in value in a year, I don't know what you can do about it." (90K)
- bed.wav -- Hammer: "Believe me, you gotta get up early if you wanna get out of bed." (17K)
- tree.wav -- Hammer: "Get away from that tree before it dies." (13K)
- pooh.wav -- Hammer: "Keep Winnie the Pooh outta here, will ya? He'll ruin me." (16K)
- pastrami.wav -- Mrs. Claypool: "Oh, Signor Pastrami...What is the first number?" Chico: "Number one!" (36K)
- stache.wav -- Bob: "Oh, Mr. Hammer...There's a man outside wants to see you with a black moustache." Hammer: "Tell him I've got one." (31K)
Animal Crackers
- entrance.wav -- Spalding: "Well, what do I owe you?" Bearer: "(I'm guessing here) Sam ho, sam kutchee de sam noi samma...Sam lasha!" Spalding: "What? From Africa to here, a dollar eighty-five? It's an outrage! I told you not to take me through Australia; you know it's all ripped up! You should've come right up the Lincoln Boulevard. Where do you come with that stuff? Turn around to the rear-end, I wanna see your license plate." (112K)
- brave.wav -- Mrs. Rittenhouse: "Captain Spalding, you stand before me as one of the bravest men of all times." Spalding: "Alright, I'll do that." (42K)
- smoke.wav -- Spalding: "You mind if I don't smoke?" (7K)
- manhole.wav -- Spalding: "How much would you want to run into an open manhole?" Ravelli: "Just the cover charge." Spalding: "Well, drop in sometime." Ravelli: "Sewer." Spalding: "Well, we cleaned that up pretty well." (76K)*
- big-a-me.wav -- Spalding: "Well whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?" Mrs. Whitehead: "All of us?" Spalding: "All of us!" Mrs. Whitehead: "But that's bigamy!" Spalding: "Yes, and it's big-a-me too." (50K)*
- charm.wav -- Spalding: "Why you've got beauty, charm, money! You have got money, haven't you? 'Cause if you haven't we can quit right now." (40K)*
- peddler.wav -- Chandler: "I confess. I was...I was Abie the peddler." Ravelli: "Well, how did you get to be Roscoe W. Chandler?" Chandler: "Say! How did you get to be an Italian?" Ravelli: "Nevermind. Whose confession is this?" (67K)
- rhubarb.wav -- Spalding: "And if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does." (36K)
- traffic.wav -- Spalding: "Tell me, what do you think of the traffic problem? What do you think of the marriage problem? What do you think of when you go to bed at night, you beast?" (39K)
- foreign.wav -- Spalding: "Take the foreign situation: Take Abyssinia. I'll tell you, you take Abyssinia and I'll take a hot buttered scotch sundae on rye bread." (46K)
- steal.wav -- Ravelli: "Eh, you want I should steal." Arabella: "Oh, no, no! It's not stealing." Ravelli: "Well, then I couldn't do it." (43K)
- ace.wav -- Mrs. Rittenhouse: "We have to cut for partners." Ravelli: "Alright, we cut for partners...I got Ace of Spades...He got Ace of Spades." Mrs. Rittenhouse: "Two Aces of Spades?" Ravelli: "Yeah, he's got thousands of 'em." (73K)
- fish.wav -- Ravelli: "At'sa fish! I no wanna the fish! No fish!" (19K)
- storm.wav -- Mrs. Rittenhouse: "The storm has put the lights out, and you can't see your hand before your face." Spalding: "Well, you wouldn't get much enjoyment out of that." (52K)
- pjays -- Spalding: "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know." (31K)*
- pictures.wav -- Spalding: "We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed...But we're going back again in a couple of weeks." (35K)
- ravelli.wav -- Spalding: "Signor Ravelli's first selection will be, 'Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping,' with a male chorus." (34K)
- short.wav -- Ravelli: "I tell you what I do: I play you one of my own compositions, by Victor Herbert." Spalding "Make it short." (33K)
- speech.wav -- Mrs. Rittenhouse: "Captain, this leaves me speechless." Spalding: "Well, see that you remain that way." (30K)*
- beaugard.wav -- Mrs. Rittenhouse: "And now it is my privilege to reveal the masterpiece of François Jacques Dubois Gilbert Beaugard." Spalding: "No trains will be sold after the magazines leave the depot." (92K)
- letter.wav -- Jamison: "Now, eh, you said a lot of things here that I didn't think were important, so I just omitted them." Spalding: "Yours not to reason why Jamison! You've left out the body of the letter! Alright, send it that way and tell 'em the body'll follow." (87K)
- bluffing.wav -- Spalding: "Now we've got something!" Ravelli: "Whadaya got, Cap.?" "I've got Jacks and Aces. Whada you got?" Ravelli: "At's good, I was bluffin'" (36K)
- crossing.wav -- Spalding: "Would you mind going out and crossing the boulevard when the lights are against you?" (21K)
- decoy.wav -- Spalding: "You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?" (19K)
- house.wav -- Spalding: "Suppose nobody in the house took the painting." Ravelli: "Go to the house next door." Spalding: "Suppose there isn't any house next door." Ravelli: "Well, then of course, we gotta build one." (60K)
- outside.wav -- Ravelli: "All you gotta do is open the door, step outside, and there you are." Spalding: "There you are where?" Ravelli: "Outside." (40K)
- wrong.wav -- Spalding: "I may be wonderful, but I think you're wrong, Ravelli." (17K)
*Thanks to Mike Rogers for these files!
Monkey Business
- adeline.wav -- Groucho, Chico, and Zeppo give their rendition of "Sweet Adeline" from within a few herring barrels. (213K)
- cat.wav -- Groucho: "My hot water's been cold for three days...And I haven't got enough room in here to swing a cat. In fact, I haven't even got a cat!" Chico: "My grandfather can swing a cat." Groucho: "He can?" Chico: "Hey! That'd be a good job for him." Groucho: "Yeah..." (75K)
- girls.wav -- Groucho: "You girls go down to your rooms; I'll be down shortly." (14K)
- canoe.wav -- Groucho: "I know a fella; started only last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time." (44K)
- breath.wav -- Groucho: "You're just wasting your breath, and that's no great loss either." (16K)
- flypaper.wav -- Groucho: "Would you mind getting up off of that flypaper and giving the flies a chance? (23K)
- intro.wav -- Groucho: "D'you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?" (18K)
- mutiny.wav -- Groucho: "Now one night Columbus' sailors started a mutiny." Chico: "Nah...No mutinies at night; they're in the afternoon. You know, 'mutinies Wednesdays and Saturdays.'" Groucho: "There's my argument: Restrict immigration." (72K)
- yougotit.wav -- Chico: "Hey, you're a nicea lookina girl alright; you got it. " Manicurist: "Thank you." Chico: "And you can keep it." (39K)
- brakes.wav -- Lucille: "Well then what do you think of an..." Groucho: "I know, I know. You're a woman who's been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well we can clean and tighten your brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night." (57K)
- hachacha.wav -- Lucille: "I want excitement! I wanna ha-cha-cha-cha!" Groucho: [Obliges on the guitar] (48K)
- license.wav -- Lucille: "You don't realize it, but from the time he got the marriage license I've led a dog's life." Groucho: "Are you sure he didn't get a dog's license?" (46K)
- overcoat.wav -- Groucho: "I'm going back in the closet...Where men are empty overcoats." (29K)
- study.wav -- Groucho: "With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now." (22K)
- drinks.wav -- Groucho: "Fancy meeting you here after all these drinks." (17K)
- question.wav -- Groucho: "I'd like to ask you one question." Alky: "Go ahead." Groucho: "Do you think a girl thinks less of a boy if he lets himself be kissed? I mean, eh, don't you think that, although girls go out with boys like me, they...they always marry the other kind?" (78K)
- nerve.wav -- Alky: "I can use a guy with your nerve. I think we could get along well together." Groucho: "Well, of course the first year we might have our little squabbles but, then, that's inevitable. Don't you think?" (73K)
- poverty.wav -- Groucho: "I've worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty." (21K)
- true.wav -- Groucho: "Is it true you're getting a divorce as soon as your husband recovers his eyesight? Is it true you wash your hair in clam broth? Is it true you used to dance in a flea circus?" (53K)
- innuendo.wav -- Woman: "I don't like this innuendo." Groucho: "That's what I always say: 'Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.'" (41K)
- pants.wav -- Man: "What's the idea of putting your hand in my pocket?" Chico: "Just a little mistake. I had a suit once that looked just like that, and for a minute I thought those were my pants." Man: "How can they be your pants when I've got them on?" Chico: "Well, this suit had two pair of pants." (90K)
- passout.wav -- Woman: "I beg your pardon!" Groucho: "How about you and I passing out on the veranda? Or would you rather pass out here?" Woman: "Sir...You have the advantage of me." Groucho: "Not yet, I haven't, but wait till I get you outside." (92K)
- party.wav -- Groucho: "You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women are cold, and I'm hot under the collar." (30K)
- wallop.wav -- Lucille: "My husband might be inside! And if he finds me out here, he'll wallop me!" Groucho: "Always thinking of your husband...Couldn't I wallop you just as well?" (51K)
- fleas.wav -- Groucho: "Oh...Why can't we break away from all this? Just you and I...And lodge with my fleas in the hills...I mean, flea to my lodge in the hills." (57K)
- careful.wav -- Woman: "Oh! Carry me carefully! Someone will see!" Man: "Oh, I've been careful too long!" Groucho: "Well, now that you've brought that up, just how long have you been careful?" Woman: "Oh! They saw!" (59K)
- race.wav -- Chico "races" the orchestra in this classic piano feature. (394K)
- stable.wav -- Chico: "You call this a barn? This looks like a stable." Groucho: "Well, if you look at it, it's a barn; if you smell it, it's a stable. Chico: "Well let's just look at it." (50K)
Horse Feathers
- brkdown.wav -- Wagstaff -- "You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces?" (21K)
- raise.wav -- Wagstaff: "How much am I paying you fellows?" Professor: "Five thousand a year...but we've never been paid." Wagstaff: "In that case, I'll raise you to eight thousand." (48K)
- brain.wav -- Wagstaff: "You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it." (21K)
- sap.wav -- Wagstaff: "Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?" (16K)
- shooting.wav -- "How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?" (19K)
- horsewhi.wav -- Wagstaff: "I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse." (12K) Thanks to John Benz Fentner, Jr., for sending me this file.
Duck Soup
- badnews.wav -- Groucho: "More bad news..." (16K) Thanks to John Benz Fentner, Jr., for sending me this file.
- ancestor.wav -- Firefly: "Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves, and I'd only have to bury them again." (27K)
- bloodhnd.wav -- Chicolini: "Why my partner's got a nose just like a bloodhound." Trentino: "Oh, really?" Chicolini: "Yeah, and the rest of his face don't look so good either." (44K)
- cigar-1.wav -- Chicolini: "At'sa good quarter cigar...I smoke the other three quarters myself." (24K)
- cigar-2.wav -- Trentino: "No, no!" SFX: "Bang! Ding!" Chicolini: "And the boy gets a cigar." SFX: "Boom!" Trentino: "Ah!" (49K)
- club.wav -- Firefly: "I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it." (21K)
- galaday.wav -- Mrs. Teasdale: "This is a gala day for you." Firefly: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't know if I could handle any more." (39K)
- idiot.wav -- Firefly: "Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you...He really is an idiot." (46K)
- lost.wav -- Vera Marcal: "If you're found, you're lost!" Chicolini: "You're crazy! How can I be lost if I'm found?" (31K)
- openarms.wav -- Mrs. Teasdale: "As Chairwoman of the reception committee, I welcome you with open arms." Firefly: "Is that so? How late do you stay open?" (47K)
- patience.wav -- Secretary: "Sir, you try my patience!" Firefly: "I don't mind if I do...You must come over and try mine sometime." (32K)
- peanuts.wav -- Chicolini: "Peanuts to you!" (19K)
A Night At The Opera
- arrested.wav -- Driftwood: "Why don't you fellows be nice? Get outta here before I get arrested!" Fiorello: "Nah, I'd like to stay and see that." (33K)
- bill.wav -- Driftwood: "Say, have I got time to go back and pay my hotel bill?" Porter: "Sorry, too late." Driftwood: "That suits me fine." (33K)
- boogie.wav -- Driftwood: "Boogie, boogie, boogie!" (11K)
- bully.wav -- Driftwood: "Hey, you big bully, what's the idea of hitting that little bully?" (20K)
- business.wav -- Driftwood: "I don't know...there's something about me that brings out the business in every woman." (24K)
- canada.wav -- Driftwood: "Don't you know what duplicates are?" Fiorello: "Sure, those five kids up in Canada." Driftwood: "Well, I wouldn't know about that. I haven't been in Canada in years." (49K)
- eggs.wav -- Driftwood: "Two fried eggs, two poached eggs, two scrambled eggs, and two medium-boiled eggs." Fiorello: "And two hard-boiled eggs." Driftwood: "And two hard-boiled eggs." Tomasso: (Honk!) Driftwood: "Make that three hard-boiled eggs." Tomasso: (Honk!) Driftwood: "And one duck egg." (84K)
- insomnia.wav -- Fiorello: "Don't wake him up, he's got insomnia. He's trying to sleep it off." (20K)
- insured.wav -- Driftwood: "You got any insurance?" Porter: "What?" Driftwood: "Are you insured?!" Porter: "No, sir." Driftwood: "Well, then you're just the fellow I wanna see. I have here an accident policy that'll absolutely protect you, no matter what happens. If you lose a leg, then we'll help you look for it. And all this will cost you is...eh...what've you got there? A dollar? One dollar. Here you are." (106K)
- minnie.wav -- Driftwood: "And you're willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of 'Minnie The Moocher' for seventy-five cents...for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie." (56K)
- opera.wav -- Driftwood: "Is the opera over yet?" Doorman: "Not yet...in a few minutes." Driftwood: "Hey, you! I told you to slow that nag down. On account of you I nearly heard the opera." (52K)
- otis.wav -- Mrs. Claypool: "Are you sure you have everything Otis?" Driftwood: "I've never had any complaints yet." Woman: "I have." (36K)
- outrage.wav -- Waiter: "You're check, sir." Driftwood: "Whew! Nine dollars and forty cents? This is an outrage! (To companion) If I were you, I wouldn't pay it." (39K)
- overture.wav -- Excerpt from the overture to Verdi's "Il Trovatore," interpolating "Take Me Out To The Ballgame." (176K)
- party.wav -- Driftwood: "The party of the second part shall be known in this contract as, 'The party of the second part.'" Fiorello: "I no like-a the second party either." Driftwood: "Well, you should've come to the first party...we didn't get home 'til around four in the morning. I was blind for three days." (78K)
- sanity.wav -- Driftwood: "It's alright, that's in every contract! That's what they call the 'Sanity Clause.'" Fiorello: "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. You can't fool me...there ain't no Sanity Clause." Driftwood: "Well, you win the white carnation." (78K)
- shot-him.wav -- Fiorello: "What's the matter, mister?" Driftwood: "Oh, we had an argument and he pulled a knife on me, so I shot him." (28K)
- sing.wav -- Driftwood: "You know America is waiting to hear him sing?" Fiorello: "Well, he can sing loud...but he can't sing that loud." Driftwood: "Well, I think I can get America to meet him halfway. Could he sail tomorrow." Fiorello: "You pay him enough money, he could sail yesterday." (80K)
- speech.wav -- Driftwood: "Ladies and gentlemen...I guess that takes in most of you." (21K)
- tipping.wav -- Driftwood: "Do they allow tipping on the boat?" Porter: "Oh, yes sir!" Driftwood: "Have you got two fives?" Porter: "Yes sir!" Driftwood: "Well, then you won't need the ten cents I was gonna give you." (51K)
- trunk.wav -- Fiorello: "Hello boss! What're you doing here?" Driftwood: "Well, this makes it a perfect voyage...I'm terribly sorry, but I thought this was my trunk." Fiorello: "It is your trunk." Driftwood: "I don't remember packing you boys." (67K)
- twobeers.wav -- Driftwood: "Two beers, bartender." Fiorello: "I'll take two beers too." (19K)
- where.wav -- Driftwood: "Where can I find you?" Fiorello: "Don't worry...wherever you are, you'll find us." Driftwood: "No, I'm sick of that. Let's meet somewhere else." (44K)
A Day At The Races
- tootsie01.wav -- Tony: "Getta your tootsie-frootsie ice cream!" (25K)*
- tootsie02.wav -- Hackenbush: "I'm getting a fine tootsie-frootsieing right here." (17K)*
- tootsie03.wav -- Tony: "Sunup is the worst horse on the track." Hackenbush: "I notice he wins all the time." Tony: "Well that's just because he comes in first." (41K)*
- tootsie04.wav -- Tony: "One dollar and you'll remember me all your life." Hackenbush: "That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had." (37K)*
- tootsie05.wav -- Hackenbush: "Getta your tootsie-frootsie! Nice ice-a-cream! Nice tootsie-frootsie ice-a-cream!" (39K)*
- paycash.wav -- Hackenbush: "Say, uh, maybe I better open a charge account, eh?" Tony: "You gotta some references?" Hackenbush: "Well, the only one I know around here is you." Tony: "That's no good; you'll have to pay cash." (63K)**
- set.wav -- Hackenbush: "Now how much is a set?" Tony: "One dollar." Hackenbush: "One dollar?" Tony: "Yeah. Four for five." Hackenbush: "Well, alright...I'll...I'll...Give me the four of them; there's no use throwing away money, eh?" Tony: "Alright." (65K)**
- sugar.wav -- Hackenbush (in phony drawl): "Record department? Jest a moment sugah." (20K)**
- okay.wav -- Nurse: "Doctor, may I have an okay on this please?" Hackenbush: "Hmm...I'm too busy right now. I'll...I'll tell you what. I'll put the 'o' on now and come back later for the 'k'." (47K)**
- franks.wav -- Nurse (offering Hackenbush the phone): "Doctor...The Turkish bath." Hackenbush: "Oh." (then into phone) "Hello? Yes, will you look in the steam room and see if my frankfurters are done?" (47K)**
- cheese.wav -- Morgan: "Are you a man or a mouse?" Hackenbush: "You put a piece of cheese down there and you'll find out." (33K)**
- see_us.wav -- Tony: "Hey doc! Can you see us?" Hackenbush: "If I can't, there's something wrong with my glasses." (25K)***
- hackenb2.wav -- Hackenbush: "Either he's dead, or my watch has stopped." (11K)*
- peepshow.wav -- "What do you think I am, a peepshow?" (11K)****
- poison.wav -- Hackenbush: "Hey, don't drink that poison! That's four dollars an ounce!" (17K)***
- closer.wav -- Flo: "Oh, hold me closer...closer...closer!" Hackenbush: "If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you." (55K)***
- woman.wav -- Tony: "Have you got a woman in here?" Hackenbush: "If I haven't I've wasted thirty minutes of valuable time." (28K)***
- earlyyet.wav -- Woman: "I've never been so insulted in my life!" Hackenbush: "Well...it's early yet." (27K)*
- horse.wav -- Hackenbush: "Emily, I have a little confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me and I'll never look at any other horse." (51K)**
- croc.wav -- Hackenbush: "Well, she's not exactly my type...But for you I'd make love to a crocodile." (33K)*****
- frtcake.wav -- "Just a moment, fruitcake." (13K)****** Thanks to all the folks who wrote in telling me what movie this one came from!
*Thanks to Steg Hansen for these files!
**Thanks to Bill Buchanan for these files! And when you're finished here, check out his enourmous collection of WAV files from "A Night At The Opera."
***Thanks to "The Frankly Fantastic Booster-Man" (if that really is his name) for these files!
****Thanks to Jim Hammerslag for this file.
*****Thanks to Marcin Borowski for this file.
******Thanks to Kathy Biehl for this file.
A Night In Casablanca
- camel.wav -- Kornblow: "So this is your wife, eh?" Corbaccio: "No! Atsa my camel." (20K)
- join_me.wav -- Beatrice: "Will you join me?" Kornblow: "Why? Are you coming apart?" (18K)
- lying.wav -- Kornblow: "You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the whole world?" Beatrice: "Do you really?" Kornblow: "No, but I don't mind lying if it'll get me somewheres." (46K)
- molehill.wav -- Galoux: "You're making a mountain out of a molehill!" Kornblow: "Well that's quite a trick. You try that sometime." (27K)
Thanks to "The Frankly Fantastic Booster-Man" for all the files in this section!
Miscellaneous
- peezie.wav -- Groucho: "Way down by the sad seaside, sat two lovers, side-by-side. First he sighed, and then she sighed. And then they both sighed, side-by-side. Peezie Weezie, what's his name? Peezie Weezie, Peezie Weezie, what's his name?" (131K)
Sounds - MIDI Files - Streaming Audio Files - Streaming Video Files
This page was originally been created by Frank Bland for his site WhyADuck?.
